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| Our Baby Constantine's grave, St. Tikhon's cemetery |
I know I am incredibly blessed to have (now) three healthy children here with me. When we miscarried a couple of years ago, I was comforted by the thought that if I only ever had my two baby girls, that I would still be blessed and happy with our little family. And as any regular readers know, God continued to bless us with another baby this summer.
But my heart goes out to those families who have to endure the miscarriage or death of their first baby. To have your innocence shattered by the loss of your first child would be one of the most difficult things I think a parent could go through. And the questions! Why didn't my baby live? Did I do something wrong during my pregnancy? Will I ever be able to carry a baby to term? Why wasn't I allowed to meet my little one? Why me?
Any time I hear of the passing of an unborn baby, I am reminded of what my sweet doctor told me after my own miscarriage. He mentioned that some women, for every baby they are able to meet in this world, they have several babies praying for them in heaven. How comforting!
It is entirely possible that I, too, have several unborn children in heaven keeping Constantine company. I have no way of knowing whether we've had just the one miscarriage or if I've had a few very early ones too. It is possible that I may have more in coming years.
What a heart-swelling thought: All the unborn children I have had or may have in the future are a great cloud of children praying for me, my own personal army of tiny saints, perfected and taken before the temptations of this world. How we ache to meet them, but how they rejoice with our Lord!
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| Icon of the children being brought to Christ, located in a rock outcropping at St. Tikhon's Monastery |
I thought it especially joyful and appropriate that these parents chose the name Nicholas for their baby. Of course, the timing is right, being that St. Nicholas's feast day was on Monday. But don't some of the hymns and prayers to St. Nicholas refer to him as a special friend of children? Imagine him surrounded by our lost little ones, their heavenly surrogate grandfather praising God with them and leading them in interceding for us.
Holy Saint Nicholas, special friend of children, pray to God for us!
I'm so sorry. Praying now.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for them. I vividly remember the emptiness that I felt after miscarrying this summer. Your arms literally feel empty. And, yes, Nicholas is the perfect name for this child. St Nicholas pray for us!
ReplyDeleteThank you both for your prayers.
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling very odd about how certain it was right after my miscarriage that I was not pregnant. That might be close to your empty feeling. Normally, there's always some little possibility that I might be carrying a baby. (Except of course, after giving birth, and at that point, I'm carrying a baby in my arms and not thinking about much else!) It was very strange to be THAT empty for those few weeks.
Praying for your dear friend, it is such an awful thing to go through. I have a post "saved" waiting to be posted (finished) for a few weeks...touching on this topic. It is such a hard topic to talk about, write about, and comprehend. I have just suffered the loss of my 4th baby - and it just gets harder every time.
ReplyDeleteI love your words......."taken before the temptations of this world" they brought me peace when I read them !
Thank you for sharing.....and I am so sorry for your dear friends loss. May God give her peace.
I know your friend as well, and have been praying for them. My first thought is how sad to have such a loss break into the joy of such a new marriage! May the Lord give them beauty for ashes as this cements their bond.
ReplyDeleteChristine, I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I can imagine it just gets harder. I'm sorry you've had to endure so many.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to write about my first. A year later, it was very helpful to commemorate his birthday with a post, however.
Arielle, yes, I will join you in praying for that.
This is a great post, Patty. Thank you for it, and for your courage and honesty in writing about this difficult topic. Also, your doctor from when you carried Constantine is a smart man. :)
ReplyDeleteI know them too (actually more the father of Nicholas to be specific). Many many are praying for them and it is such a huge loss. May the memory of Nicholas and your Constantine be eternal!
ReplyDeleteI too know that feeling of emptiness and loss. It is something I would not wish on anyone. My first two babies were lost due to miscarriage early on, the first before a test was taken. I was told not to consider the first one a miscarriage since it was confirmed, but I knew with great certainty. The spirit knows, I think, and that's what makes the loss so keen. it is a great comfort knowing that my Gregory and Anastasios are interceding for us. I will pray for your friends as they grieve.
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