I am a perfectionist. It may not be obvious from my kitchen full of half-cleaned dishes, or from the piles of clothes flung over my bed. It may seem odd that a "perfectionist" would skip days in posting photos or stay up late to write a blog post when she has to rise early enough to be out the door with her husband in the morning.The dishes? I have to do the just right, but I don't have time, so why do them at all? The clothes? I wore this outfit once, so I'll fling it over the bed because I can't put it back in the closet because it's not absolutely clean. The blog post? Must write the most beautifully crafted blog post that creatively ties in with above photo. (I have no delusions about the "beautiful craft" contained in this post, let me assure you.)
My many half-attended-to blogs are further testimonies to my perfectionistic tendencies. Not satisfied with a personal blog that portrays the various facets of my interests, I want each post to perfectly fit into a cohesive vision for a blog that will one day make it big.
How often does that happen?
So instead, I am trying to be satisfied with, not imperfection, but reality. I love the idea for my blog "Trenches of Motherhood." I also love the title of this one. For this photo project, I am coming to terms with the directions in which I feel pulled. Most of these photos will contain my kids, so I want to post them here. But when I decide to ramble about motherhood and life and perfection? For now, I will also put it here.
I am not ready to let Trenches die completely. But then again, I over-think things. I haven't met a decision I've made that I didn't contemplate changing. I am tempted to write a lengthy explanation of why "Sibling Revelries" really applies to my life in general rather than being a cute family blog title. My life is formed by my siblings, we are all siblings in Christ... but it stretches thin very fast.
Sometimes life fits together neatly. Other times, Mickey Mouse is your computer buddy, staring up at you slightly lazy-eyed and having lost his shorts weeks ago. Less than perfection, certainly. But mainly, just reality.
365.7: Mickey
Wow. We are soul-mates.
ReplyDeleteOooh, glad to hear it. I love it when I'm not alone. ;) (And I'm truly surprised that anyone read this post since it seemed so incoherent as I was writing it.)
ReplyDelete(FYI: post from Oct '09)
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. When you got to the bit about throwing the outfit over the bed because since you wore it once it wasn't *completely* clean and couldn't hang it in the closet...boy. That is so me. Except since I like to sleep in my bed I use the edge of my dresser. I think there are clothes on it right now. Sigh.
Thanks, Matushka. This is one of those times when I come back and read a post and think, "Huh. I wrote that? Not bad!" :)
ReplyDeleteI still sleep in the bed. We have giant foot board on the bed that is great for collecting piles of clothes. :) I was discussing this problem with some friends in a Yahoo group recently, and I think we decided that hooks in a closet work better than just piling.